I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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