She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
