we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
