do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
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I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
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Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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