I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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