If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
