I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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