She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
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I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
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My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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