is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
