I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
