its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize