i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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