Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
