that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
where are you?
Hypothermia
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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