he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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