I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
