Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
