Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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