I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
