no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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