my soul wont recognize me after tonight
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
