I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"