i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
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I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
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I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises