Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
