I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
