Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
