You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
