It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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