you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
