I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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