i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
