he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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