my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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