Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
