Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize