Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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