So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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