The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
