my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Randomize
