We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
