went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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