I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
