You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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