I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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