I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
