cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
