Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
