the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize