after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
