At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
