to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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