Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
