I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
