His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
