You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I don't deserve a penis
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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