College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
