My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
