answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
