if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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