Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
