can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
