Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
