I think I died a long time ago.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
