this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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