Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
