My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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