She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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