I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
