In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
