capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
